Summer Upkeep Edition:
NYC is relatively the same temperature as Earth’s Inner Core currently and I pretty much look like I’ve dipped my face in a vat of day-old french fry oil most of the time. One thing I can be really thankful to my Korean American heritage about is the fact that I don’t have sweat stains in the formation of the Great Lakes like most people but still, I’m struggling to look average on the attractiveness scale right now. I reallllly wish all of America could just get together for a brief meeting, pop a few Tecate Lites, and just come to an agreement that we can all give up on our looks from June-August and really let ourselves go, but alas…my wishes don’t come true that easily. If they did, my job would be to watch treadmill fall videos on youtube all day from my lounge chair at my beach resort while being fed bacon-centric treats by a shirtless Argentinean cabana boy(s). But I digress.
So here’s some tips and products that will assist in the effort to NOT to repulse everyone around you in the summer:
-Oil Absorbtion: (p.s. the above photo is not me, for the record) Alright, I know this is kinda gross for a girl to be admitting, but I’m one oily bitch up in the T-Zone. I mean, I’m not like slipping and falling on granite floors due to my “situation” but you get it. If I could pick one beauty product to take with me to a desert island (where I would be stranded with that Werewolf actor), I’d take some Clean N’ Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets. They are seriously the best 4.99 you’ll spend each week and just think, people won’t be using your forehead to check and see if they have something in their teeth post-dinner. The best part is, you aren’t caking on more powdery makeup. Because if you do that all day, you’ll be looking like a Geisha by 4pm, and that’s not so sexy unless you are like… one of those people that likes Geishas (like in that movie from 2005…what am i talking about?!). The point is…these are a total lifesaver for girls AND guys alike (yes, you boys are oily too and yes, it totally grosses us out).
-Sweat Management: So, like I said before, I won the big prize on life’s Price is Right giant wheel and don’t really sweat (except for my face, which is REALLY attractive) but I know most people have perspiration issues in the hot months. Baby powder and a brand switch on your D.O. could be a good start to getting rid of your Niagra-esque sweating issue. I would recommend trying Johnson’s Baby Powder with Cornstarch in it…dust a light layer on the body (not on your arms and legs bc then we have a mime/clown situation, which makes even fewer friends than being wet all the time), right after showering. The cornstarch in the baby powder helps absorbs moisture, and creates a cooling effect on the skin! Another tip/trick is to sprinkle some on your sheets before bed, you’ll be cool all night and you’ll smell like an infant so that’s pretty legit too.
Another way to beat the sweat is to switch up the deodorant you use. Let’s do a little package labeling lesson: antiperspirant =reduces sweating, deodorant=covers your stench up, antiperspirant with deodorant=bingo! You’ll want to be buying the last kind, because we want double duty of not sweating and most importantly, not smelling like you are smuggling decaying animal carcasses under your pits. Also, you’ll want to switch up the brand you are using every other time or so…this will keep your body from becoming too accustomed to Old Spice Swagger (shout out to my deodorant brand..holla!).
Drink More: Water…I know. Boring. You’ll need to be slamming over 100 oz. a day during the summer. I have an app on my phone to track my H20 consumption because I’m a huge toolbag but find your own way to keep tabs on how much you are actually putting in your hot body. Water makes all the difference in your skin, hair, and health. You’ll be surprised how many summer naps and headaches can be avoided by chugging a few glasses of freedom juice. To switch things up, try it with slices of cucumber…it adds no-calorie deliciousness if plain ol’ water isn’t turning you on.
Beauty Essentials: Around 2pm everyday, women’s faces melt off. Well, that could be dramatic…but still…things start to wear off, move around, smudge, etc due to the sun frying our outer layers. You don’t need carry an entire Sephora franchise in your bag, but invest in some small touch up solutions to keep you looking decent from happy hour through dinner and drinks.
Here are some essentials (along with your trusty oil sheets):
-A combo bronzer/blush like Philosophy’s The Supernatural “You Make Me Blush” Bronzer/Blush Duo
-A Mini Mascara (waterproof is best in the summa’ time)
-A cream eyeliner and brush, I am obsessed with Make Up Forever’s Aqua Creamliner
-A bright lipstick like NARS Funny Face
Hair Fury: I consider my hair to be about a 6.5 on the hair scale of manageability, but you add in some heat and humidity and we are averaging at about a 3.2. So how to we make ourselves look like we don’t have to try and somehow look effortlessly hot? BEACH HAIR. It’s the answer to all the world’s problems folks. NATO, are you listening? Now most guys have already stopped reading due to the very feminine bullet point that just happened, BUT beach hair is sexy for men too. And no, you don’t have to call it beach hair. So skip the L.A. Looks gel this season and try this with us ladies.
Most beach spray is pretty pricey, and apparently it’s frowned upon to take a spray bottle full of seawater from the beach (it’s full of urine and will mildew and stink within 2-3 days…not that I tried this last summer or anything…ehem). Here’s a failproof beach hair spray recipe that is free/cheap and works like a charm! (I tried it last night)
UNISEX Beach Hair Spray:
-8oz of warm water
-1 Tablespoon of Table salt or Sea Salt (preferred)
-Small Amount of Conditioner
Just mix it all up in a spray bottle and spray on damp hair! Let it air dry (or use your blow dryer on low impact) and you’ll have sexy beach hair that no one will know that you spent all day doing excel spreadsheets in your cubicle.
Cheers to a Better Looking Summer and keeping it fresh to death.