1. Be a Better…New Yorker.

    Mish-mosh post Edition:

    I love New York. We all know this…but this week I’ve gotten a little overwhelmed with a couple things and it’s time for a rant. I haven’t ranted in a little while, because my life is f*cking awesome, but today, I’m feeling especially generous. So here we go. 

    The following list are just some things that are REALLY annoying and they need to be addressed ASAP.

    -Snobbery Shut-down: I am so stinkin’ tired of pretention. There is an entire store opening near me that only sells gourmet mayonaise. This makes me want to move to Pennsylvania and become Amish. What are we doing with our lives that would warrant an entire shop of MAYO? People still have never flown on an airplane before and I am eating condiments flavored with truffle oil and Native American tears. I’ll say it right now, I like nice things, but you know what else is great? Red Lobster Cheddar Bay biscuits, Bagel Bites, diner coffee, re-runs of Jem and the Holograms, and sometimes…Wal-Mart. I like crappy stuff mixed in with awesome stuff, and I hope it never goes away. Not everything needs to be farm-raised, hand-woven, or plucked by woodland fairies. We are all going to be OK, I promise. 

    -West Coast Hate: Look, I admit it. I used to hate California and the West Coast…but now that my other half lives there, I’m starting to appreciate the left side of our fair country and feel like maybe we should all lighten up on them a little. There are a few things that just might be better about California than New York and that’s alright. LA isn’t just Hollywood, NYC isn’t just Broadway. LA has better mexican food, NYC has pizza, bagels, and fusion on lock. We both make decent cocktails, so let’s just cheers, get over the 3000 miles of animosity, and decide to mutually hate on all those other states in the middle. (Just kidding…sorta.)

    -Shit New Yorkers ALWAYS Say: There are a couple of things that we LOVE to talk about. We pretty much could just program three things into our social networking queues and be done. Maybe we could lessen this a little?

    1. How much coffee or caffeinated substances we’ve had today. We really like to talk about this one folks. I do it too. Just yesterday I excitedly instagrammed a photo exclaiming about the large girth of my iced coffee. We love a good photo of a latte with heart shaped foam, the fact that we had Stumptown 46 times in the last week, and that we might have a permanent heart murmur from caffeine intake. This is not interesting for anyone except ourselves.
    2. How late we are at the office. We secretly love saying how late we have to work…it becomes like some badge of honor for a New Yorker. “My life sucks more than your life, and I get paid less!” we shout proudly from our offices. But, understand,people aren’t commiserating, nor do they think we are cooler for being overworked. They are making dinner with their families and playing in their spacious backyards with their labrador retrievers. Get over yourself workaholic, and maybe force yourself out of the office to see land, sky, and water once in awhile. Brag about that!
    3. How we hate hipsters (unknowingly actually being one). This speaks for itself. We all have become some level of hipster, just learn to love it. Go home, make artisanal cocktails, listen to your record player, write songs that will never see the light of day in your Field Notes journal, and be OK with it.

    -Exercise and Healthy Eating is Getting Weird: No longer can you just go to the gym, or run around the park. No, no…this is all too normal. I can’t keep up with all the crazy shit people are doing to maintain an average body shape these days. Unless you are on top of a greased stripper pole, doing army crawls across a bed of nails, or taking a cardio dance ballet cross-training class, you aren’t doing it right apparently. Also an update, food is overrated now. Let’s all just drink weird blended shit and talk about how much juicing is CHANGING OUR LIVES. Disclaimer, there’s nothing wrong with health, or interesting workouts, or juicing…it’s just getting to a ridiculous level of intensity. Everything in moderation lovies. 

    OK, I’m done. That was very ranty and should hold me over for a few days. Thank you and have a nice weekend.

    Chinae

     


  2. Be a Better…New Yorker.

    Visiting the West Coast Edition:

    We New Yorkers famously have a chip on our shoulder about living, visiting, or thinking about another place…and immediately dismiss it as a total sh*thole compared to our great city. And most of the time…we’re right. 

    If NYC and LA were superhumans, they’d be archenemies fo sho. Of course no fiber of my being wanted to like LA LA Land…especially because my previous trip there sucked big time (hello Beverly Hills and Hollywood).

    BUT, much to my chagrin, I went on my journey out West…and I liked it. A lot. 

    I think I just got carpal tunnel from that sentence. Sigh.

    I would say though, that I had a few helpful things working in my favor…so I’ll share.

    5 Ways to Be a Better New Yorker, in California:

    -Stop Comparing it to New York: New York is (to me) the best city in the world. We’ve got everything in a tiny 23 sq mile vicinity: food that makes your toes curl, style that makes the ugliest sh*t tolerable and somehow beautiful, loads of history that matters, superior architecture and art, and we do it all in 6 inch heels. So what?

    On my trip, I had to let go of the notion of comparing NY to LA…and switched to the mindset of NY + LA. I hate to say it…but there are some things that La La Land is just better at than New York is. And that’s ok. Getting over the fact that I have to defend where I’m from like a 90’s East Coast vs. West Coast Rap Battle, made it so much easier just to love Cali and my time there.

    -Wear Color: Typically, the New York go-to is black, white, grey, and maybe a tan thrown in for contrast. If we’re feeling crazy. But wearing that garb when it’s 75 and sunny just doesn’t jive people. Wear color, show your legs, and hope for an opportunity to incorporate some sort of Indian headdress during your journey (there’s always next time for me, fingers crossed). 

    -Learn to Like Nature: My usual dealings with nature consist of, avoiding Lipton Iced Tea bottles full of urine on my 1 block walk to the train, dodging trannies on Christopher Street, or the occasional trip upstate to go “see nature” (i.e. vintage shop in close proximity to mountains and a river). So you can imagine I’m not exactly used to being one with Mother Earth. (besides my mermaid tendencies) Channel your inner surfer/hiker/mountain climber/roller blader, and just get in there. Where California lacks in urban planning/architecture, they make up for in the natural beauty of the state. I can guarantee the best parts of my trip, were times we spent outside, whether that was laying on the grass at the Griffith Park Observatory, sitting on dunes over-looking the Pacific near Malibu, or discovering rescued sea lions in Long Beach. Embrace the nature folks, I promise you don’t have to wear sensible shoes the WHOLE time.

    -Get Over Being in the Car: I think at one point during the trip, my leg muscles started to atrophy from not using them enough, but that’s part of getting to the best of California…driving. You’re going to do a lot of it. Put on the right music, keep the right company, and that 4 hour drive won’t seem long enough.

    -Have the Best Guide Ever: Now, this is something I can’t really help with…but having the best tour guide ever can make a ho-hum trip to LA seem like the vacation of a lifetime. I can say that being with someone that loves California makes all the difference in the world. I’m pretty sure that none of you are gonna get as good of treatment as I got, but hey…at least there’s Tripadvisor and Yelp. 

    California Dreamin’,

    xo Chinae

    p.s. These statements in no way affect that New York is indefinitely, forever and ever, the best place in the universe.