1. Be a Better…Bartender.

    It’s as hot as balls out Edition:

    If you are in NYC right now along with the rest of us suckers, I’m so so sorry. It’s a sweltering 987937598 degrees out today with about 99% humidity. Let’s just say parts of my body are sweating that I didn’t know had pores. 

    I digress. 

    Here is a video response defeat this shit weather (this is not me if you were confused) and then better than that…an excellent cocktail down below.

    This woman gets it: (NSFW for language) 

    Warning, this kind of heat isn’t the type that one or two cold bevvies help. You’re gonna need to get super drunk and then forget that you can control your sleeping and waking…it’s just that bad out. 

    Passionfruit Lychee Fizz:

    + 1 oz. Passion Fruit Puree

    + 1 oz. Lychee Puree

    + Splash of Club Soda

    + Fresh Basil

    + 1 1/2 oz. Cucumber Pearl Vodka

    In a cocktail shaker, combine purees and vodka. Shake with ice, vigorously. Strain and pour over ice and add basil to taste & garnish. Top with a dash of club soda. 

    Happy summer…f*ck.

    xo Chinae

     


  2. Be a Better…Bartender.

    Valentine’s Day Cocktails Edition:

    So, Valentine’s is an interesting holiday, you’d be hard-pressed to find another day so filled with the perfect amounts of love, heartache, loneliness  bitterness, and the need to have single-gal dates with other single-gals. For the most part, I could care less about V-day besides wanting to have my nails blood red, and sporting some crimson duds, but alas, to conjure up the inner romantic in us all, we should drink. Heavily. On Valentine’s Day. YES!

    This is the perfect way to spend America’s 2nd Least Favorite Holiday (I totally disagree with #1 btw), because it appeals to every relational status possible. Single? Married? Dating? It all works. 

    I’ve created a list of the perfect cocktail to cheers with this Valentine’s Day:

    "Single and Hating It": Your perfect drink is The Black Velvet. It will very much remind you of your cold, dying black heart. Drink up!

    The Black Velvet:

    • Guinness Stout
    • Champagne

    Fill your Collins glass halfway with guinness, fill the rest of the glass with champagne and lightly stir.

    "Dating and Hating It": Your perfect drink is called The DGAF.

    The DGAF:

    • Bourbon
    • Ice

    Pour heavily and drink up quickly. 

    "Happily in Love": Your perfect drink is The Elderfashion. A little bit light, a little bit serious.

    The Elderfashion:

    • 2 Parts Bourbon
    • 1/2 Part St. Germaine
    • 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
    • Ice
    • Orange peel garnish

    Stir all your ingredients, add ice, and stir again. Seductively caress your rim with the orange zest and be all romantic-like.

    "Happy and Single": Your drink is…Tequila shots. Enjoy.

    Tequila Shottttttsssss:

    • Tequila
    • Shot Glass
    • Lime
    • Salt
    • A bag to re-gather your dignity after all is lost. 

    Cheers and happy or hateful Valentine’s Day y’all,

    Chinae

     


  3. Be a Better…Bartender.

    Tequila has been enemy #1 for several years now. 

    Let’s just say…I had a bad experience. OK, maybe like 26ish bad experiences. Tequila is some type of adult super juice where after drinking it, I turn into a mix between the Hulk and an intoxicated toddler. BUT this weekend, I was tempted on more than one occasional to order a tequila based cocktail because the rest of the ingredients sounded SO DAMN GOOD. Did I? No. I had company in town and I couldn’t risk turing into a green super hero with a balance problem.

    Mission for this weekend? Drink tequila and remain a normal human being.  

    Since it’s monday morning, naturally, I am thinking about this weekend’s cocktail plans. Let’s make one mentally together and then in real like in 5 short days ok? (Or tonight, because we are adults and we do whatever we want)

    The Azure

    • 1.5 ounces of Reposado Tequila (You can sub Mezcal if you want a more smokey flavor)
    • Fresh Blueberries (4 or 5)
    • Fresh Lemon Juice
    • Tarragon (2 to 3 leaves)
    • Ice
    In a shaker, muddle tarragon, blueberries and a splash of lemon juice, until it becomes a thick syrup. In a rocks glass, pour your tequila over ice, let chill for a moment. Top with blueberry/tarragon/lemon syrup. Garnish with a lemon slice and keep your top on.
    Happy Monday!
    xo Chinae
     


  4. Be Better at…Health.

    Apple Cider Vinegar Edition:

    So, I usually can’t stand the idea of “at-home” remedies, and I really HATE meds. I try to never take them, unless my forearm/face are simultaneously falling off, or I am on my period and have cramps that make me want to use Chinese water torture on pretty much, the whole world.  BUT…I may be changing my tune. I’ve been doing a little experiment with a very special liquid and it’s changing my life. 

    Apple Cider Vinegar. 

    Half of you are like “shutthefuckupweveknownaboutthatforlike100years” and the rest of you are probably like “I think I put that on a salad once”. I get it. But let me preach the gospel of ACV for a sec, peeps. 

    I started adding it into my daily diet about 2 weeks ago…every day, 2tsps added into a glass o’ water (and I put a splenda in with it because I’m a little bitch about things that taste like butthole). Drink it down. 

    Here’s what I’ve noticed:

    • -Clearer skin
    • -Better digestion
    • -Feeling not-very farty
    • -Lost weight 
    • -Generally feeling like my body is better off

    After some research, here’s what “they” say ACV can do for you in the long run:

    • -Help with lowering blood sugar levels related to diabetes
    • -Lowers Cholesterol
    • -Improves Heart Health
    • -Weight Loss
    • -Help with Allergies
    • -Acne
    • -Arthritis
    • -ETC.

    Disclaimer, I am not a doctor (and if you thought I was…you have a larger issue), but I really feel like this is working. Maybe it’s all in my head, but if a placebo effect is making me thinner, less bloated, and clearing up my skin, I don’t give a shit. 

    Did I mention I paid, $4.99 for a whole bottle?!

    I’ll do an update post with any other changes, but for now…call me a believer. 

    xo Chinae

     


  5. Be Better at…Getting Dumped.

    Fourth Grade was a roller coaster year for me.

    I made my first enemy (thanks Mary Liz), was totally mystified and subsequently grossed out when I found out how sex actually happens (again, thanks Mary Liz), got my first set of acrylic nails without my mother’s permission (thanks Tiffany Stotler’s mom), and experienced my first REAL heartbreak.

    His name was Tony Pena. He had a large, square head that was covered in dark course hair. He possessed some serious playground swagger. Tony had me swooning with his Latin accent that came through those large Chiclet-sized front teeth of his. I was hooked. He was pretty much a 9 year-old Ricky Ricardo and I wanted to be his brunette Lucy. We became friends and then… that fateful day came. 

    He told me he liked someone else. I think her name was Jasmine (and she was probably a bitch).

    One hour later, I got hit in the stomach with a Frisbee, which subsequently caused a catastrophic nosebleed, covering me in the same blood that once pumped my heart full of love for Tony Pena. What a day.

    All of this is to say: break-ups totally suck. So how do we deal with one without getting drunk on box wine and singing 70’s ballads in our underwear between tears and re-runs of Dawson’s Creek? I’ll tell you how.

    5 WAYS TO BE BETTER…AT GETTING DUMPED:


    1. WRITE IT ALL DOWN:

    There are a few reasons to write down what you’re thinking at this moment. One, you’ll need to re-read this journal in moments of wine-related loneliness, where all you want to do is call them and try it all again. Having the words in black and white might help curb that craving. Two, it’s just a good way to process. But remember, you aren’t making a f*cking Burn Book here, and it’s not The Notebook either…but try writing down the good, the bad, and the breakup worthy things about your relationship as a whole (as objectively as you can in this moment of sadness/joy/anger/fear/relief).

    2. GET FIT:

    There’s nothing better than a little sweat to relieve aggression or stress. Plus, knowing that you’ll look hotter the next time you see your Ex doesn’t hurt either. Amp up your gym routine, add some new physical activities to your schedule, and who knows…you may meet your soul mate on the stretching mat.

    2. FILL UP YOUR SCHEDULE:

     Take some time to actually grieve the loss of your relationship, but know when that grieving expiration date is. After that point, fill up your schedule and keep busy. Ex-girlfriend never wanted to go camping upstate with you? Plan a camping trip with your buddies. Ex-boyfriend hated your cooking? Take some cooking classes and do it for you, not him. Think of a break-up as New Year’s Day when you get a fresh start. Try a challenging activity that you’ve always been scared to do! Go on a fabulous trip, or redecorate your tiny ass apartment. Use your extra time well and you’ll feel more centered and disciplined, rather than lonely and bored.

    4. LOCATION REDEMPTION:

    That restaurant you had your first kiss, the bar where you locked eyes, the Turkish Bathhouse you broke up at (what?)…all those places now have romantic real estate in your brain. Make it a goal to revisit each of those places and redeem your memory with something equally great but unrelated. Host a dinner party at that restaurant, meet the guys for drinks at that bar…maybe stay away from the bathhouse but treat yourself to a romantic bath for two with your new lover.

    5. DON’T EAT, DRINK, OR F*CK YOUR FEELINGS AWAY:

    Vodka, Supreme beefy-cheesy nachos, and that long-haired Russian bouncer are not the answer to your woes. Don’t fall into the pit of loneliness and try and eat/drink/sex your way out. It won’t help and you’ll just be fatter, more hung over, and with a little less dignity in the morning. 

    Hope this helps your heart get on the mend QUICK! 

    xo Chinae

    P.S. This post is also featured on Fucked in Park Slope…another baller site I get to blog for! Check it out HERE.

     


  6. Be a Better…Cook.

    Homemade Lo-Carb Popsicles Edition:

    It’s f*cking hot out. I over-romanticize summer every year and then here we are…August and my curse rate is about 20wpm. So, instead of stuffing my VS bra with ice cubes like I initially wanted to, I think making home made Low Carb popsicles is probably a better idea. (Although that bra thing sounds like a decent plan B)

    Here are some fun summery recipes to beat the heat by putting frozen things into your mouthhole.

    Coco Pops: (Should make 4 average sized pops)

    -Shaved coconut (unsweetened, preferably fresh)

    -1 plain small box of Vitacoco, original flavor

    -1/4 cup Heavy Cream

    -2 packets of splenda

    Mix together all ingredients, use as much shaved coconut as you like, some like it more pulpy than others. Pour into popsicle molds and freeze!

    Coffee Pops: (my fav)

    -Coffee

    -Sweetener of Choice

    -Half and Half

    Basically make yourself a couple cups of your favorite coffee mixture and pour into molds. I think I’ll be bringing these on the subway for my morning commute.

    Mixed Berry Lemonade Pops:

    -Crystal light, lemonade 

    -Fresh blueberries + Raspberries, slightly crushed

    You know what to do here.

    Strawberry Basil Pops:

    -Crushed Fresh Strawberries

    -Finely diced basil

    -Limeade

    Same thing here, geniuses.

    Thank God Fall is COMING SOON,

    Chinae