Fourth Grade was a roller coaster year for me.
I made my first enemy (thanks Mary Liz), was totally mystified and subsequently grossed out when I found out how sex actually happens (again, thanks Mary Liz), got my first set of acrylic nails without my mother’s permission (thanks Tiffany Stotler’s mom), and experienced my first REAL heartbreak.
His name was Tony Pena. He had a large, square head that was covered in dark course hair. He possessed some serious playground swagger. Tony had me swooning with his Latin accent that came through those large Chiclet-sized front teeth of his. I was hooked. He was pretty much a 9 year-old Ricky Ricardo and I wanted to be his brunette Lucy. We became friends and then… that fateful day came.
He told me he liked someone else. I think her name was Jasmine (and she was probably a bitch).
One hour later, I got hit in the stomach with a Frisbee, which subsequently caused a catastrophic nosebleed, covering me in the same blood that once pumped my heart full of love for Tony Pena. What a day.
All of this is to say: break-ups totally suck. So how do we deal with one without getting drunk on box wine and singing 70’s ballads in our underwear between tears and re-runs of Dawson’s Creek? I’ll tell you how.
5 WAYS TO BE BETTER…AT GETTING DUMPED:
1. WRITE IT ALL DOWN:
There are a few reasons to write down what you’re thinking at this moment. One, you’ll need to re-read this journal in moments of wine-related loneliness, where all you want to do is call them and try it all again. Having the words in black and white might help curb that craving. Two, it’s just a good way to process. But remember, you aren’t making a f*cking Burn Book here, and it’s not The Notebook either…but try writing down the good, the bad, and the breakup worthy things about your relationship as a whole (as objectively as you can in this moment of sadness/joy/anger/fear/relief).
2. GET FIT:
There’s nothing better than a little sweat to relieve aggression or stress. Plus, knowing that you’ll look hotter the next time you see your Ex doesn’t hurt either. Amp up your gym routine, add some new physical activities to your schedule, and who knows…you may meet your soul mate on the stretching mat.
2. FILL UP YOUR SCHEDULE:
Take some time to actually grieve the loss of your relationship, but know when that grieving expiration date is. After that point, fill up your schedule and keep busy. Ex-girlfriend never wanted to go camping upstate with you? Plan a camping trip with your buddies. Ex-boyfriend hated your cooking? Take some cooking classes and do it for you, not him. Think of a break-up as New Year’s Day when you get a fresh start. Try a challenging activity that you’ve always been scared to do! Go on a fabulous trip, or redecorate your tiny ass apartment. Use your extra time well and you’ll feel more centered and disciplined, rather than lonely and bored.
4. LOCATION REDEMPTION:
That restaurant you had your first kiss, the bar where you locked eyes, the Turkish Bathhouse you broke up at (what?)…all those places now have romantic real estate in your brain. Make it a goal to revisit each of those places and redeem your memory with something equally great but unrelated. Host a dinner party at that restaurant, meet the guys for drinks at that bar…maybe stay away from the bathhouse but treat yourself to a romantic bath for two with your new lover.
5. DON’T EAT, DRINK, OR F*CK YOUR FEELINGS AWAY:
Vodka, Supreme beefy-cheesy nachos, and that long-haired Russian bouncer are not the answer to your woes. Don’t fall into the pit of loneliness and try and eat/drink/sex your way out. It won’t help and you’ll just be fatter, more hung over, and with a little less dignity in the morning.
Hope this helps your heart get on the mend QUICK!
P.S. This post is also featured on Fucked in Park Slope…another baller site I get to blog for! Check it out HERE.