1. Be a Better…Cook.

    As most of you know by now…I don’t partake in the glory of carbs anymore. sigh. 

    Things I miss the most:

    -Chips and Salsa


    -Tortillas (the Lard-filled kind)

    -Free Restaraunt Bread 

    -Late Night Drunk Pizza by the slice

    -Biscuits (preferably gratis Cheddar Bay Biscuits a la Red Lobster) (yes, I am a tacky tacky person)

    Obviously it is good that I don’t eat that crap anymore because as you can see, I really had good taste in carbs. Which makes the ass SO much fatter. 


    Something I do now, is try to make simple, low carb food that doesn’t make you want to die a flavorless, flourless death. And pancakes are one of those things that may seem off limits, but actually you can whip up a pretty good substitute with a few simple ingredients.

    Low-Carb Pancakes:

    -1 Cup of Almond Meal

    -2 Eggs

    -1/4 Cup of Water

    -2 T of Oil

    -1/4 Teaspoon of Salt

    -1 Tablespoon of Artificial Sweeter Equivalent

    Mix all those ingredients together in a bowl with a whisk. Heat your pan and spray with Pam or coat in butter to prevent sticking. Pour pancake batter into your pan and be f*cking patient. You’ll need to wait until you see bubbles rise to the surface and the edges look crispy-ish. Then flip those babies over and cook half the time on that side. Top with sugar-free syrup and butter. 

    ****Also, you should always serve this with copious amounts of bacon. 

    This should make about 4 pancakes, so enough for two people OR one lumberjack and his baby. 

    xoxo Chinae


  2. Be a Better…Cook.

    Being on low-carb lifestyle doesn’t allow for much leeway in the way of exciting food. I’m kinda ok with that though. Considering I just want to get out of the kitchen as soon as possible, quick & easy is my food-related love language. 

    One thing I tend to miss is Italian food…not being able to eat pasta sucks the big one but you know what won’t suck? When my thighs become strangers to each other. 

    So…one major Italiano craving later, I decided to get off my carbless ass and do something about it.

    Here is my attempt at low-carb lasagna:

    Things you’ll need:

    -2-3 Zucchinis (debated for at least 3 minutes on the plural form of zucchini NBD)

    -1 bag of Mozzarella cheese

    -1 container of ricotta cheese

    -1 Jar of low-carb pasta sauce or normal pasta sauce for you normal people

    -Pam cooking spray

    -1lb of lean beef or turkey, ground

    Step 1: I sliced the zucchini on the long-skinny-slice-option side of this hellish Amish level cheese grater that I have. You basically want super thin, wide strips to look kinda like lasagna noodles. If you have another easier way to do this, do that. I speak from experience as I know barely have finger prints or knuckles now. I’m not even sure how I’m typing at this point but I know I can get away with pretty much any crime, scot free.

    Step 2: Cook your meat in a pan. Man, I am a wordsmith today. Drain the meat juice and oil off and dump in your pasta sauce of choice. No need to heat.

    Step 3: Take your rectangular glass/metal baking dish and lightly spray with Pam.

    Step 4: Now starts the most complex part. The layering process. Here’s a diagram I made because I like diagrams. Sue me. 

    Rinse and repeat. 

    Step 5: Bake at Three Fiddy for about 45 minutes ( I just stabbed my zucchini and checked it until it looked cooked, which was I think 45 minutes)

    Sprinkle with Parmesean (more cheese obviously) to serve.

    xoxo Chinae