THE BE BETTER BLOG

Recently, a Be Better Blog reader wrote in with this (witty) query: 

“I just started dragging my ass back to the gym and I’m finding that I’m in dire need of an updated workout wardrobe. My mesh gym shorts from college don’t seem quite sufficient when I know that space-age wicking technology exists. ALSO, I would like said ass not to be hanging out while I do leg things. Could you (pretty please) do post that gives like 5 combinations of gear that I can mix and match, but won’t require doing laundry every five minutes?”

This is a great question as workout clothes can be tricky tricky. As an example of failing, I tried out some NEW athletic shorts this morning and hadn’t looked in the mirror until I arrived to the gym. TOTAL AIR FUPA people. You know as a kid when you loved filling your swimsuit with air, looking like either you had a boob job or beer belly? Yeah, those shorts looked like that except I wasn’t in a pool, nor am I 5 years old. Not to mention the lining was too short (apparently according to the manufacturer I have an elongated crotch region?!) so I had perma-camel toe. No one likes camel-toe squats. NO ONE.

When building your workout wardrobe, here are a few basic items you’ll need: 

//SUMMARY SHOPPING LIST//

-2 Pairs of Loose Sporty Shorts/Booty Shorts

- 2 Athletic tanks

-1 Pack of White Tees

-2-3 Supportive Sports Bras

- Tennis Shoes

- 1 pair of Yoga/Running Pants

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

-Non-see through colors: You DO NOT want your days of the week undies showing through. 

-Built in liner: It’s just a must these days, folks.

-Great fit in the crotch region (as I learned previously): Avoid air fupas, avoid wedgies.

-Ample coverage: Unless you are ONLY running, you’ll be bending, squatting, leaning, and burpee-ing for a full hour or more…so it’s best if you don’t accidentally get pregnant via the leg extension machine. Think enough coverage so your lady bits stay ladylike.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

-Happy Colors: Pick a couple fun colors for tanks that make you WANT to work out. You’ll feel better about that 6am gym time and bright pops of color make your no-makeup face more alive looking!

-Athletic or Natural Materials: This is a non-negotiable. Cotton OR Dri-fit hi-tech sh*t. If you show up at the gym in a Forever21 Polyester tank top and you’ll end up being the smelly/overly sweaty gal on the mats. The good news? You’ll have plenty of room to stretch because your odor and general wet aesthetic will have caused everyone to flee.

-Refresh Often: Hanes men’s white v-neck tees cost a whole $10 per pack. Re-buy them every month or two to keep your whites looking fresh. 

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

-Cups/Liner: Don’t risk poking your trainer’s eye out mid-workout with a rogue nipple. Make sure your sports bra has thin cups that keep pancake boob away and protect you from chronic NHO. 

-Great Fit: High-knee runs should not include kicking your tatas ala David Beckham. Keep ‘em high and tight. 

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

-Essential Fit: Be sure you get the right size for the types of workouts you’ll be doing. You may need to go a size or 1/2 size up…the best thing to do is ask your shoe salesperson to fit you properly. 

-Keep An Eye Out: Every couple of months, check the bottoms of your shoes…especially if you’re having back or knee pain. You may be wearing out your shoes, therefore wearing out your much needed support.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

-Dark Colors: Dark color minimize trouble areas like ass, thighs, and giant calves..not to mention the whole “mask the cellulite” game we’ve all played at one time or another. Also, you’ll want these to be able to be worn over and over without recognition so black or dark grey will always work. 

-Wide and Flexible Waistband: A general rule of life, avoid muffins and muffin tops. You want your pants to be comfortably tight in the leg region, but beware of thin super tight waistbands. They’ll make you feel self-conscious and you’ll spend half your workout tucking in rolls, rather than getting rid of them.

-Non-See Through: A little tip, when in the fitting room to buy workout pants, lean over and spread eagle. Can you see your vagina? Yes? You need a different pair. No? You’re good to go.

I think that covers it. 

A few tips and tricks for lazy people like me:

-Mid-week, toss your workout shorts/bras/pants in the shower with you and rinse them out with a little detergent. They are made to dry quick so they’ll be fresh and ready for the next workout. Yes, you’ll still need to do actual laundry once in a while, this is just to freshen in between real washes if you are one of us who doesn’t have in-home laundry.

-Avoid Patterned Workout Gear. The more nondescript the gear is, the more you’ll be able to wear it. Still feel free to inject bright colors but those snake skin print yoga pants might be a bit much. 

-Keep things snug. As much as you might want to roll out of bed and throw on a huge t-shirt and basketball shorts…you should avoid this. More fitted items let you actually see your body as you work out, you’ll be able to perfect your form because you won’t be lost in a sea of college-age jersey material. As a bonus, you’ll be able to see your progress more easily when those booty shorts look a little more filled out. Feeling hot (even at the gym)= instant motivation  (And no, that does not mean to put on makeup).

Now, go shopping.

Chinae

5 Tips to Get Your Ass Out of Bed and to the Gym:

I used to be a die-hard nighttime gym person…but between stupid adult errands, after work events,  and my obvious drinking schedule, I’d only be able to make it to the gym 3-4 days a week which in reality, is not enough for me to reverse the effects of years of “4th meal” I indulged in, in college (damn you Whataburger Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit). So what did I do? I learned to get my ass out of bed, and get to the gym before heading to work. 

Yes, it sucks getting up when it’s dark and snowy or muggy and rainy….but trust me, you’ll be glad when your thigh meat isn’t creeping over on the next subway seat…AND the asian lady that did the impossible by forcing herself into a 1x1” space between you and fat business guy with laptop, will also be grateful for your new-found workout plan.

I won’t lie to you and tell you it’s easy. It’s not. WARNING: It doesn’t look like a godforsaken Playtex commercial where you’re doing sunrise yoga, giggling over your newfound feminine freedom. But level with me here, getting up completely blows ass anyway. Doesn’t matter if it’s 8am or 6am…that alarm is equally annoying, so why not shrink your growing jowls in the process?

People are always like…”I don’t know how you do morning workouts!!!! It’s so hard!…I could never do that!” and today’s the day that you need to shut the f*ck up (in a nice way) and realize that YOU CAN. No, I’m not trying to get all Obama on you (but Michelle’s arms tho)…but the first step to gaining discipline is changing your head…and then the schedule will follow. I am just like you, lazy and grumpy…if I can get there, so can you.

Here are 5 practices that get me to the gym by 6AM everyday:

#1 Stop Gradual Wake-ups: No snoozing or rolling around in bed. GET UP. Just do it. It feels like Chinese water torture for like 30 seconds, and then it’s done. As soon as your alarm goes off, your feet should be on the floor and you should start the next part of your new found routine (below). Then proceed to the bathroom to do full face blast with cold water, seriously, it’s better than coffee. 

#2 Clothing Check: Once your feet are on the ground (because you’ve just launched yourself out of bed like a Hanes V-Neck coming out of a t-shirt cannon), make sure your clothes are within arm’s length. Seriously. Put them on a chair near your bed, or on the floor …when your step 2 is inches away, procrastination and sleep gets harder to convince yourself of. Pick every part of your workout gear (bonus points and motivation if you are excited about the ensemble) the night before, and even lay your shoes out…LITERALLY be able to practically roll into your clothes. I know some morning gym devotees like to sleep in their gym clothes, but to me, that promotes snoozing and let’s be honest…I don’t think a spandex gauntlet is good for the girls up top or the lady bits below, overnight. 

#3 Plenty of Prep: I need caffeine to function as a human being with thoughts and emotions, so I need coffee to do this. Before I workout, I guzzle (literally) an iced coffee, but who has time to make coffee that early? NO ONE. So, make your coffee the night before and have it in the glass ready to go in the fridge. Chug it on your way out the door and you’ll be ready to engage with the rest of the human race in 10-12 minutes. Another part of your prep should be your post-workout meal. You should eat a little something within 30-45 minutes of finishing your workout, so planning your breakfast the night before can help with the morning rush. Boil some eggs, make a greek yogurt parfait, or munch on a protein bar for instant energy, the thought of a healthy breakfast looming will also provide some good motivation for finishing your workout strong.

#4 Weekly Pump Plan: If you know you need to hit target areas of your body, make a weekly workout plan…Monday-Leg Day, Tuesday- Arms, Wednesday-Core, Thurs-Strip Aerobics…WHATEVER. If you have a schedule, you’ll be less likely to skip the gym…because you just can’t miss leg day. 

#5 Buddy System: If you have trouble feeling self-motivated, go with someone. Even if all your friends are too lazy to get their asses out of bed, make a friend at the gym and commit to checking in with them or send a damn photo of you at the gym every morning to a friend who’s agreed to keep you in check (who knows, they might be inspired to join you one day). On a personal note, I went on vacation for the last week and I didn’t know this, but I have a couple of accountability partners including two city bus drivers, a random lady, and the front desk worker at New York Sports Club who mentioned my absence to my actual gym buddy. Only in New York can you get a guilt trip from strangers.   

Why it’s awesome…

-I feel more awake ALL day. I even said goodbye to my afternoon coffee ritual.

-My eating is better all day, because I have already made a serious sacrifice to be healthy, so eating an entire sleeve of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles looks a little less appetizing.

- My ass is smaller.

- and the best thing….my nights are now wide open and available to the call of bourbon (and friends) if I so choose.

Need more motivation? Send me your questions!

Squat or Go Home,

xo Chinae

5 Ways I’ll Be Jumping the Gun on Spring Edition:

Since I moved to New York, I have been notoriously bad at winter. Like…to an obnoxious degree. Typically you’ll find me standing outside of some dark, dank bar, complaining about how I can’t feel my fingers, yet have somehow forgotten to attach pants/tights/gloves to my body. I do this an annoying amount and am actually quite shocked that by spring, I still have friends. 

Being bad at winter can only mean one thing…I am also terrible at spring. My small brain can’t handle the thought of something in between winter and summer so I omit that bit of information and just proceed with regularly scheduled programming of shorts and no jacket time. 

My only saving grace is that I live in a city filled with millions of other hopeful idiots who also cannot understand this seasonal middle man. Here’s how I’ll (and everybody else) will be jumping the gun on spring 2013. 

1) Wearing Stupid Shit: Not only will I pack up my jackets/coats/gloves/beanies a month too early, I will also coat myself in floral prints and start wearing brights so that I can signal to my body that the winter coma is over and now it’s time to have a personality again.  I suggest investing in some mid-temp jackets and blazers…because naturally, we will still be freezing our asses off because New York hates us and wants us to move away forever.

2) No Tights Time: That first day of no-tights is always such an interesting time in a New Yorker’s life… the men are excited to see that we have girl parts again, and the women are just now realizing what all those crock-pot stews have done to their eggshell-colored cankles. The Duane Reade’s self-tanning section has hurricane-quality scarcity and women are fist fighting over the last bottle of Jergen’s Natural Glow like they are getting the last box of baby formula for their starving baby. 

3) Spring Break: Though I am well past my college years (RIP 2003-2007), I still can’t help my mind from wandering to where I shall spend my Spring Break. Except I am an adult and I don’t get a Spring Break. I have what’s called a job and it prevents me from the fun of banana boating and consuming my body weight in drinks that are measured in yards. Anyway, kayak.com searches will still happen and I will continue to think of how I can get to Cancun and back without getting my head cut off by the Mexicans and still manage to get a good glow. 

4) Beach Hair: Say goodbye to severe buns and shit people…It’s time to let loose, get your roots dyed, and get some serious natural wave going.  Pretty much every spring I decide it would be in my best interest to put more blonde in my naturally almost-black hair…I’m fooling everyone….shut up. 

5) Eating Out: One of the perks about living in New York is that you can consume 3 meals-a-day and their associated cocktails on a godforsaken sidewalk. I love eating outside, it feels very European, and like any good New Yorker, I’d like to feel as posh as I can while eating my KFC double-down. Here’s the thing though…we’ll all flock outside to eat that first springtime brunch and half of the patio will be basking in sunlight (a picture of amazing city life) and then other half will be a crowd of people looking like they went on a Siberian expedition and lost their luggage. It will be miserable.

Now, I wish I could say that I won’t do any of these things this year…and that I’m going to “Be Better at Spring”..but let’s be honest, I have three pairs of newly ordered sandals under my desk at work and a bikini on it’s way. 

Cheers to suffering together,

Chinae

Four years ago, in mid-July, I felt myself getting progressively stir crazy within the confines of the city so a first time trip to Boston seemed like an inspired idea during the oppressively hot summer. Having moved from Texas just two years before, I had no concept of bus travel beyond the occasional luxury charter bus rides to and from fraternity lingerie parties and other terrible events I’d cinched my boobs together for. So when my friend Allison suggested taking the ol’ Fung Wah bus for a mere $15 dollars, I of course was thrilled.

I met Allison for an afternoon bus, and as I crossed the threshold of the waiting area, my heart sank. THESE are the people taking the bus? CRAP. I promptly told myself to stop being so damn judgy and prepare myself for a restful trip. Think of it as a moving respite, Chinae. It’s only 4 hours, Chinae. You’re gonna get to sleep and catch up on some reading, Chinae. Maybe they have a bar area, Chinae.

We boarded the bus. A/C broken in 97 degree heat. Only seats that were open, were directly left of the bathroom. Lots of crazy looking people, foaming at the mouth (ok maybe they weren’t totally foaming, but they looked scary). We met eyes with some of the other normals and silently made a pact that if this turns into a mutiny, we were gonna be in this together.

Allison and I settled in our seats…I tried to crack my window a few inches so I wasn’t ONLY smelling “Smells Like Drakkar Noir” mixed with the aroma of my own fear. I thought to myself…no one is gonna use the bathroom on the bus anyway. Who would do that? If they do, they totally only will pee, right?

That day, I discovered the lack of embarrassment and shame that some people have about strangers smelling their feces. After three hours of reckless driving, and zero minutes of reading later (my knuckles were too busy being affixed to the seat in front of me), the driver announced that we’d be stopping for a dinner break. I’ve never been so happy in my life, I felt like it was my wedding day. Of course my joy was swiftly snuffed out when he added that we would need to bring our meals back on the bus due to us running late. Whatever, we still get to stretch our legs and breathe normal air.

I quickly realized that our “dinner” spot was a friend chicken joint on the side of the highway. I considered running away into the adjacent field at this point and leaving Allison to send condolences to my friends and family. Again, people have no shame and proceeded to board the bus with 5-packs of fried chicken and biscuits galore. The following 3 hours were not a good time to be near the bathroom. In the end, I arrived in Boston…probably sans nose-hairs, but I arrived nonetheless. I vowed that day, that I would NEVER, NEVER tell a new New-Yorker to take this God-forsaken vomit wagon, even to save money.

So, I was delighted to hear some good news this week and share it with fellow New Yorkers. Fung Wah bus service was suspended this week due to unsafe conditions and ignored safety regulations, and who knows when these assholes will be up and running again. ABC reports that Fung Wah drivers are in the bottom 3 percent nationwide in driver fitness, which measures training levels and experience. A big thank you to the Department of Transportation for saving hundreds of people from a ride on the Poopy Bus of Death.

The End.

The Best Chicken You’ll Ever Eat Edition:

When I got home from the gym at 9pm last night, I wavered between eating a protein bar and calling dinner a failure OR roasting an entire chicken (I bought one for the first time this weekend) due to the fact that I needed to cook it ASAP before it went bad. 

So I started on a chicken adventure last night that I have to say, was well worth it people. 

Some thoughts before I post the recipe:

-I’ve never cooked an entire chicken before.

-I had no idea really what I was doing.

-This chicken was $5.00 at Trader Joes, for a 4lb bird…pretty stellar deal.

Here’s what you’ll need:

• A small/medium chicken (4-5 lbs)
• Fresh Rosemary spears
• 1 Red Onion
• Butter 
• Salt and Peps

1) First, you’ll need to remove the giblets and plastic bag from the interior of the chicken…bc plastic tastes like shit when it’s melted into your meat. Amirite?

2) Wash the chicken with cool water, in and out and pat dry with a paper towel.

3) Stuff the interior of the chicken with your chunks of onion and a couple of spears of rosemary. Lift the skin on the chicken breasts and shove a couple spears of rosemary, there too. 

4)Take 2-3 Teaspoons of softened butter and rub down the bird, then liberally salt and pepper the whole shebang. This will give you a crispy skin and will lock in the juices.

5) Leftover onions and rosemary can sit around the outside of the chicken.

6) Bake at 375 degrees for about an hour and half/forty five. The internal temp should be 160 degrees at least. Baste with it’s own juices every 20 minutes. 

7) After the roasting process is done, remove the chicken from the oven and let it sit for about 10-15 minutes. 

Enjoy!

xo Chinae

The Golden Globes are really the best of the bunch when it comes to award shows.

That is, if you are so inclined to watch 3 hours of people saying a bunch of strangers’ names in a row. It’s pretty much the modern day version of those chapters of the Bible that are just like a BILLION names you can’t pronounce ..and even more similar because in both cases, they are mostly Jews. 

I typically don’t watch these shows but I thought “Hey! You’ve actually seen a couple movies this year…give it a whirl dumbass!” So I did.

Here are my thoughts:

Best Sponsor of the Golden Globes: Every single speech from every single female star should have included a shout out to Sara Blakely. Who you ask? Oh, just the creator of Spanx, because GOD knows that without a certain measure of breathable spandex, Hollywood could just not happen. 

Worst Boobs…in Every Category That’s Ever Been Established:  Guys, did I miss a People.com update where a rabid coonhound attacked Halle Berry and stole the majority of her left breast? Because surely someone who loved her would have mentioned the …uhmmm unbalanced nature of her tatas in that dress.  

Best Death Wish: Let’s just say I was waiting for the red laser target beam to appear on Jennifer Lawrence’s clumsy little forehead after she noted so eloquently, ”I beat Meryl!”. There are a few people you do NOT f*ck with and Meryl is one of them J-Law…she WILL outlive you. 

Worst Decision by the Producers of the Golden Globes: Can we all agree to make the speeches tweet length and then just give Tina Fey and Amy Poehler the rest of the time to make fun of the audience?!! They were SO SO good but shame on you Golden Globes for giving them such a short time to insult so many famous people!

Best Use of Meryl Streep’s Old Dresses: Congrats Lena! You’re the ultimate hipster..you found a way to thrift your Golden Globes gown from Meryl Streep’s gown closet (you know she has one due to the fact that she’s 100 years old and is a professional award-getter)!

Worst Use of Feet: You know when a toddler wraps themselves around your ankles and then you walk around looking like a drunk penguin? I seriously expected to lift up Lena’s dress and find the Full House twins hanging on for dear life. Good God woman, wear flats or something!

Best Golden Globes Crasher: We all know Chris Tucker was not invited and the cameramen were certainly f*cking with us. Oh wait..he was in that Silver Linings Playbook, but also, Rush Hour 4 is being released soon…WTF. CHRIS TUCKER WAS IN AN OSCAR NOMINATED MOVIE THIS YEAR…ways you know America is dying a slow death. 

Best Speech: The sad news, the best speech of the night goes to someone outside of the film/tv industry, wearing the exact same dress as she always wears, that just birthed a baby…ADELE. You are the cutest ever and you make Hollywood folks look like a bunch of boring idiots that have no sense of themselves outside of a script or teleprompter (I’m talking to you Paul Rudd)

Worst Audience Participation Award: NEWSFLASH: Tommy Lee Jones hates fun…also hates Will Farrell and Kristin Wiig. Only explanation…feeling farty. 

2013 Trend Report from the Golden Globes Red Carpet: 

• Cover as much of your body as possible, 50% in jewels…channel Britney without the crazy.
• Make it really hard for your arms to look toned by wearing as unflattering of a neckline as possible. In some cases, wear a dog collar.
• If you dress does not make it seem like you have two vaginas glued to your chest…you are doing it wrong.
• When your dress isn’t quite pitch-hitting sexy…add a whole in the center of the chest. Middle boob is the new side boob. 

How to NOT Completely Demolish Your New Year’s Resolutions by February 1st Edition:

Did you spend the first half of the winter packing on enough pounds to embark on a 6 month tour of Himilaya’s sans food supply? Finally join the gym only to realize that you have to actually hike your ass there to lose weight (bum central)? Want to finally meet someone that tickles all of your fancies (ehem) in 2013? 

We all make New Year’s Resolutions and SWEAR it’s gonna stick and beach body 2013 will be in check by June, right? WRONG. Fast forward to June and you still look like a member of the Boo Boo family (Mr. and Ms. Honey, that is)…and then soon after, you find yourself once again watching Ryan Seacrest’s NYE Broadcast, a little bit fatter, a little bit poorer, and still kissing Puurrrfect your cat at midnight. 

5 Be Better Tips to Keep Your Resolutions:

DIETING: I don’t care if you are The Bundchen herself, I KNOW you still aren’t totally happy with that residual gut you may have gained during your sudden interest in Gingerbread Home-Constructing this holiday season. I get it. As a recovering fatass (Jesus take the wheel), I can honestly say these are a couple pointers that keep me in check daily and have ensured keeping off the poundage:

• Tell Everyone: No, not in an annoying “look at me, tell me I’m not that fat” way (you are actually huge, btw). Let those closest to you know the details of your diet plan. It’s way harder to cheat when you’ve got a couple people checking in with you and lovingly examining your ordering skillz. You find it’s a sure fire way to deter your casual suggestion for splitting that family-style Brownie Explosion while out with friends.
• Be Militant: Make a list of approved foods and stick to it like glue. Write it in your phone. Save it to your desktop. Tattoo it backwards on your forehead. I don’t care. There is an awesome amount of freedom in this sort of discipline and having little choice in what to eat…and yes, I know it sounds contradictory and yes, I can see you rolling your eyes. If you bend once, you’ll bend again and again so just stick to it in detail and it’ll become easier by the day. 
• Stop Lying To Yourself: Making excuses of why you’re allowed to go off the bandwagon is utter and complete bullshit. “I had a hard day”, “I was travelling and there were no options”, and “I’m on my period” are no longer in your food coping vocabulary. Deal with it.

EXERCISE: Now, as much as I hate waiting for a grown man to do 10lb sets on the leg extension machine (complete with the soundtrack of clanging weights from over-zealous/too easy lifting), I really feel hopeful for people getting their butts in gear and getting active in the beginning of Jan. Some easy gym-motivators:

• New Music: When new tunes comes out, I make myself wait to listen until I get to the gym. That way, pop pop gets a treat AND I’m focused on something other than my quads burning with hellish fury on squat set #3.
• Look Good: Now, I’m not saying to put on a full face of makeup before a tough workout, because we all know that that’s a big waste of Laura Mercier’s* time and efforts (*a brand of makeup for my male readers). BUT I am saying pull your shit together…you DO know you are in public, right? You’ll be more motivated to push yourself you don’t look like a dog giving birth in the mirrors of the gym, TRUST ME. Buy workout clothes that are slim-fitting (so you can see your body working and moving), swipe a coat or two of waterproof mascara on before hitting the mats, and for God’s sake gentlemen…buy a new pack of Hanes V-Neck T-shirts and run a damn comb through your hair. 

DATING: I love the newfound hope a calendar-shift can bring. I really do. But girl/duder, if you think that by doing the exact shit you did last year is going to bring the love of your life to you, I think you might be mistaken. Make a plan to do things differently this year, mix with different circles, ask to be set-up through friends, join groups or find new interesting places to meet people. A hot/smart/downright hilarious girl is not going to walk into your decrepit living room, turn off your Law and Order SVU marathon, and sweep your Olivia Benson-loving butt away for a romantic vacation in the Alps. Get off the couch and make an effort, because expecting different results from the same action is insanity..and no one wants to bring an insane person on their mid-February beach getaway. 

MONEY: Ah, saving money…SUCH an annoying concept. This one’s my personal resolution this year and man, the prospect of letting my split-ends just sit there and rot due to budgetary constraints is downright depressing. Here are some ways I am gonna try and beat my budget into submission:

• Make a monthly goal: I’ve made my monthly goals and have to stick to them, or else I get no treats the next month. If I hit my goal mid-month…I get to treat ma’ self! This month’s treat is a hair cut and color…now all I have to do is save, save, save. 
• Buddy System: Share a copy of your goals and progress via Google Doc with a friend/loved one/spouse/therapist….give them the responsibility and freedom to check in on it whenever they want (this will keep you updating the document and sticking to writing in specifics), and also set up a standing check in every three months to track progress.
• Drink Less, Cook More: Ugh. Yeah, I get it…

WORK: Want to be more positive at work and not plot your ballsy escape every afternoon? Want to feel less like you want to kick the water cooler over after a meeting? A couple tips for a great work/life balance:

• Stop Eating At Your Desk: Chances are, if you are scarfing down your tuna melt while glued to your computer, you are overeating, you are more tired and less satisfied, and your day feels like it lasts an eon. Get up, stretch your legs, insist on eating out or at least get out of your seat and relocate. Even if it’s 15-30 minutes, you’ll feel more productive the rest of the afternoon and less like you want to slam your forehead into the keyboard to see if it would really hurt (it does). 
• Arrive On Time: This is easy. If you start your day off rushed and off-kilter, that feeling will follow you all the live long day. Get up early enough so you’re not channeling a Cathy comic by the time you get to your desk.
• Leave On Time: Be clear about what time work is O-V-E-R. You’ll feel less burnt out and you now have NO excuse not to get to the gym/happy hour/date night. Voila! All New Year’s Resolutions are met!

Happy New Year and Here’s To Being Better in 2013,

Chinae

Eggnog Drunk Edition:

There is nothing I love more than Christmastime. The photo above depicts me at age 3…I should say…really not much has changed since. 

When I was growing up my mom always stocked our refrigerator with half gallons of pre-made eggnog, starting around Thanksgiving through the New Year. Of course, when I was 8, I was not dipping into my booze collection to spike up ma’ nog.

Obviously I did not know what I was missing.

In other news, kids this age are complete idiots. 

So, now that I’m a full-grown adult human being, I can make my own damn eggnog and live the life I’ve always dreamed of! 

Here’s a recipe for you people that actually eat sugar…for me, I’ll be trying this with a whole lot of granulated Splenda and Atkin’s prayers. 

BE BETTER NOG:

• 12 large eggs (separate them out, yolks and whites)
• 1 1/2 cups sugar (or granulated Splenda)
• 2 cups whiskey (I like bourbon)
• 2 ounces rum 
• 2 ounces brandy
• 6 1/2 cups heavy cream
• Freshly grated nutmeg (for garnish and for yums)

1. In a big bowl, beat your egg yolks together; then mix in sugar/Splenda with a whisk until all incorporated. 
2. Gradually whisk in whiskey, rum, and brandy (take a small sip of each to make sure they haven’t gone bad).
3. Keep whisking…then slowly add 4 cups heavy cream and stir until fully mixed. 
4. Pop that baby in the fridge for 2 hours.
5. With an electric mixer, in a large bowl, beat egg whites until stiff and then fold into chilled boozy concoction bowl. 
6. Add the last 2 cups heavy cream to mixer and whisk until soft peaks form then fold into liquor mixture. 
7. Pour into glasses and sprinkle with nutmeg before serving.

Happy Holidays from the Be Better Blog and Santa! See you all in 2013!

xoxo Chinae

Groomsman Gifting Edition:

So you’ve tricked some floozy into marrying you huh? Well, now you’re gonna need to buy some prezzies for your studly groomsman and you better make them GOOD because they are the ones deciding if your bachelor party begins and ends at Chuckie Cheese or not.

Typically, gals are WAY better at buying gifts, so to assist you, future groom, I’ve locked and loaded my lady parts and will guide you on this groomsman gift guide journey. You’ve probably already thought of getting them a personalized flask, or monogrammed money clip…not terrible but I think we can do a little better here.

The average price range for a groomsman gift should be between $50-150 bucks (best man gifts should be around $150) and they don’t all have to match, just stick to the same price range. Individual gifts are especially perfect if you’ve only got 3-4 dudes in your party. 

Here are 5 of my faves:

-Handcrafted Leatherhead Football or Baseball: Even if your groomsmen aren’t typically the sporting type, most every dude likes to go to the park/beach/backyard and throw around a ball like they’re in some godforsaken Land’s End Catalog. Some Spalding bullshit is not going to do for a gift though…so get them these handcrafted Leatherhead Footballs (or baseballs) and give them the gift of showing off. Football $120, Baseball $38.

-Ernest Alexander Tucker Shave Kit: Now, this one’s a LITTLE more typical, but it makes the list because every guy needs a good shave kit to take on the road with him. No need to monogram, this Tucker Shave Kit comes in a variety of waxed canvas colors and will no doubt last a lifetime. Just think, every time he reaches for that jumbo-sized bottle of Gold Bond…he’ll think of you. As a bonus, it’s made in America by awesome people. Tucker Shave Kit, $90.

-RC Copter: Who says your gift has to be practical? Lighten things up by giving the gift of boyhood dreams with an RC helicopter! It’ll be the most unique groomsman gift they’ll ever get and they’ll be thanking you for not getting them another stainless steel flask with YOUR wedding date on it. And bonus, you’re giving the gift of annoying their significant others all at once, because naturally these need to be flown toward their gal’s head. Syma Apache Helicopter, $40. 

-Best Made Co. Japanese Higo Knife:  Go beyond giving just a normal Swiss Army knife and get them something truly unique. This Japanese folding knife from Best Made Co. comes emblazoned with the word Courage and is a handsome addition to someone’s growing arsenal of items to defend themselves during a back alley fights. Best Made Co. Japanese Higo Knife, $60.

-Dinner + Activity: Another option is to forgo materials gifts all together and create a special night for you and “your boyz” by inviting them to a manly dinner and activity after as their groomsman gift. Nothing says, “stand by my side” like a giant steak, perfectly-made Sazerac, and an hour or two at the shooting range. Or basketball game. Or Disney On Ice™. (depending on your groomsman’s tastes) Get sappy and make individual toasts or write handwritten notes to each one and pass them out at dinner. 

All of these things can and probably should be supplemented with their favorite bottle of booze because…whiskey.

Happy Shopping Assholes,

xo Chinae

I asked yesterday on Facebook…if anyone had any burning questions for the Be Better Blogger and two of the queiries were very gift-focused. 

Now…I LOVE presents so I’m more than happy to tackle these.

Also, send me presents.

Here we go folks:

Q:What’s the appropriate amount to spend on a host gift without looking like a hobo? I need to buy 654614361654 this year and I don’t want to break the bank….

A: Obviously this was asked by a fellow Southerner, because you Yankee friends see bringing a host gift as showing up with a $6 bottle of Trader Joe’s Sparkling Wine, handing it over to the host, and then drinking it all yourself in the darkest corner of the apartment. Heathens!

I digress.

Bringing something to a party for the host is always a good idea and is expected, especially when someone is providing your ass with food+drink. Make sure to be interesting and thoughtful, rather than spend a fortune.. I do not want another bottle of mid-range red wine with an idiotic organza bow or an ornament that looks like Pier One Imports poo-poo. 

Here are some fun gift ideas that won’t break the bank that can work for hosts, co-workers, gift exchanges, etc:

-For the Cook: 

Huset Animal Pot Guards $7/ea

You know that moment where you have to leave something covered on the stove but then it starts exploding hot food lava everywhere because it overboiled? Yeah, how bout we fix that with a miniature hedgehog. Cutest gadget ever? Yeah…no one’s gonna hate this one and for $7 bucks, buy a ton and wrap them up reeeeeeal cute and you’ll never leave for a party without something great in hand.

-For the City Dweller Who Loves The Outdoors:

Campfire Cologne Burning Sticks $13

Who doesn’t like the smell of a campfire? Well, for those of us who can’t get to the woods anytime, this “campy” gift is a fun treat. The packaging is perfect and to expand on the gift, wrap these up with fixin’s for s’mores and your gift will not be topped. 

-For the Entertainer: 

The Leif Shop Coaster Sets, Cabin Teak Set + Copenhagen Set $20-36

You know what I can’t stand? Condensation. Yeah, I’m one of those anal-retentive assholes that will stare at you until you put a damn napkin under your sweaty drink. Everyone needs a fun tabletop addition like these wooden coaster sets from the Leif Shop. The Cabin Teak Set is perfect for the more organic-granola types and the Copenhagen is ideal for your Mid-Century snob friends. 

-For the Ladylike-Type With an Edge: 

Teacup Gift: Around $15 bucks

Everyone has one…that sorta ladylike friend that is really proper 80% of the time, but the other 20% is a complete and utter shitshow. Yes, you’ve just identified her in your mind. She’ll be the one wearing a floral Anthropologie shift dress with Frederick’s crotchless panties underneath. OK so now that we’ve identified this mystical creature, now it’s time to gift her. To fulfill her sweet side, buy a mis-matched set of vintage teacups with saucers at your local Goodwill/vintage store (note this should cost you about 4 bucks total). To pair with the teacups, buy a little apple cider powered mix and throw it in a mason jar. As to not forget her bad-girl tendencies  for each teacup, buy one mini whiskey for her to mix in with her cider…even though…knowing her, she’ll drink it solo.

-For the Fun Type: 

The holidays are a time to indulge in a couple vices and if the gift receiver is also an occasional partaker…this is awesome. It’s smart, funny, and creative…so don’t tell them that I’m the one who thought of it.  You’re gonna create a gift basket of sorts…no, not like the ones with crappy low-grade milk chocolate and nameless Merlot…not this is MUCH better. Get your receptacle (box/bowl/cannister/etc) and fill it with a little stuffing of some sort…and then place your items in and attach a card that says something to this effect: “Cheers To Indulging Your Vices Before The New Year!”

Throw in the following items, plus or minus a few depending on the recipient:

-Mini Booze Bottles + Olives or Gourmet Tonic

-Cigars or Cigarettes

-Chocolate Bar

-Coffee Beans

-Deck of Cards

-Dice Set

-Mini Packets of Aspirin for the Oncoming Hangover

For the Beer Drinker:

Wall Mounted Bottle Opener $9

Who wouldn’t want this cool piece of vintage inspiration that is totally functional in their kitchen or game room? A perfect item to buy in multiples, tie with a twine ribbon, and deliver to any party with a six-pack of your favorite craft beer. 

Happy Shopping!

xo Chinae

Frick.

It’s been too long people. Lots of things have been happening in life so I’ll give you a short update on all things personal and if you could give two shits (most of you) go ahead and scroll your pretty heart on down to the next section, k? 

K. 

First, I went ahead with my sexy pot roast costume for Halloween. I was met with mixed reviews but I assume it went over decently when men in the bathroom line were telling me they got hungry after seeing me. Not sure if I should be insulted or delighted. All I know is that I needed guy-friend protection from these borderline cannibalistic creeps. (Thanks Jon)

Secondly, there was a f*cking hurricane followed by an almost blizzard. It totally sucked for most people (I kinda lucked out with no loss of power and a week off of work), but NYC was and still is a moderate shitshow. Also, lots of folks are STILL without power, heat, food, and water so that totally blows and you should find ways to help through DONATING or VOLUNTEERING. Yeah…YOU.

Other than apocolyptic weather conditions, I finished off a cocktail table that a friend started, drank a LOT of whiskey, and worked out less than I should have with that much time off. I also made some yummy food, one of the recipes is what this post is ACTUALLY about (after I get my rambles out of the way). After weathermaggedon was over, I headed to Texas to stand next to my gal, Lindsey, as she walked down the aisle to a rad guy named Wes. (Note the weird two finger jab I am for some reason giving Linds in the below photo)

I always love time in my home state and of course I made sure to ditch low-carb long enough to eat my weight in chips and salsa. They come free with the meal but I will be paying a long time at the gym as penance for being a very very bad girl.  

Oh, yeah…I have a new addiction to report…bored as hell on my plane ride home, I somehow got suckered into watching a show called Storage Wars on A&E and now I’m hooked on the 2012 version of Antiques Roadshow. This is a cry for help people. At least this might be better than than serial killer documentaries I was watching before bed previously.

Other than that, I’ve been doing some freelance writing for this brand new tech/fashion startup, LOOKCRAFT. It’s a fun gig and I get to write about all things menswear which, I love. 

Alright…enough recapping now to the blog post for today. 

Cooking with Pumpkintown:

I really don’t tend to like mixing salty and sweet flavors and pumpkin is one of those veggies that I ALWAYS associate with a sugary taste, but alas…I wanted to make a low carb Fall soup and ventured into a savory new world armed with cans of organic pumpkin. 

This soup is a total mouthgasm. 

Autumnal Pumpkin-Sausage Soup:

1/2 Cup of Diced Onion

1 Clove of Minced Garlic

1 TSP Ground Sage

1 Tablespoon of Italian Seasoning

12 Ounces of Breakfast Sausage (Jimmy Dean or the like…not links) or Hot Italian sausage (without the casing)

2 cups diced Fresh White Mushrooms

4 cups of Beef Broth

1/2 cup of Heavy Cream

1/2 cup of water

1 bay leaf

Step One: Cook the sausage in a large pot and drain off the grease (I left a little for additional flavor)

Step Two: Add onion, garlic, seasonings, and mushrooms to the pan and saute until onions are lightly browned

Step Three: Throw in your pumpkin and stir

Step Four: Add broth and bay leaf and mix well.

Step Five: Simmer for 30 minutes on low-medium heat

Step 6: Stir in your heavy cream and water and simmer 15 additional minutes.

Season with S&P and serve!

This is enough for 4-5 people and is the PERFECT dish for a chilly night in with friends…or you know…for a hurricane. 

I missed you guys.

xo Chinae

We had just moved to a rich, ultra-fancy neighborhood in Dallas (we were probably the poorest people in a 10 mile radius) and as an effort to make friends, I ventured off to trick or treat. 

Prior years, living in a middle class hood meant a pretty mediocre ratio in the old candy sack…60% stupid candy, 38% awesome shit and 2% weird items that I threw on someone’s front lawn before returning home. But this year…this new place was different and ruined every Halloween to come. 

First off…I was shocked to see most houses inviting kids INTO their homes, and the kids were actually going in…DUMMIES! Don’t you know that’s how you get chopped up in little bits and stuffed in a donkey piñata for the next serial killers anonymus meeting!?

I soon learned that you don’t need to be scared of rich people.

So on the 3rd or 4th house, I waltzed in like I owned damn the place. I then discovered that these idiots had probably spent more than my current yearly income on transforming their mansion into an ACTUAL haunted house and had hired actors to lead kids through a maze of cheap thrills like touching brains and eyeballs (which this sassy jaded 6th grader knew was obviously a jello mold and peeled grapes). 

After an overpriced 10 minutes they led us into the foyer (rich people LOVE a motherf*cking foyer) staffed by a couple actors who asked us to open our bags (for the record, other kids had monogrammed candy bags…I had an Albertson’s paper sack).

Let’s talk about the haul…each of us got 4-5 king-sized candy bars and a ten dollar bill. This type of treat-gifting pretty much continued through the night and contributed to my journey into being a real spoiled brat… which I’m sad to say has followed me into adulthood. 

All that to say, this Halloween don’t be the dumb house that gives away the wrong kind of candy…

To aid in your shopping here’s a quick guide:

-Reese’s: A perfect give-away unless little Tommy has an unknown peanut allergy. You didn’t go crazy and buy king-sized treats but you did a respectable job this year. 

-Loose Candy Corn: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL SOMEONE? Loose, unwrapped candy? You expect me to put my hand in that pumpkin-shaped bowl of swarming bacteria where 85 other poop-coated miniature fingers have been to get such a measly reward? Have you tasted candy corn lately? It’s pretty much like sweet butter-flavored wax. STOP. 

-Tootsie Rolls: Oh, you’re too cheap to buy ACTUAL chocolate so you are going to try and skate by with cocoa-flavored treats? No one is fooled. 

-Coins for Unicef: WTF. You want me to do what with this rusty penny? What the crap is UNICEF? If you give coins away, check your birth certificate as you must be over the age of 68. 

-Snickers: YES! Best house ever!!! But hey, stick with fun size…not minis, ok? My mom slaved away on this two-person horse costume…make it worth our while. 

-Dum Dums: You are what you serve. Also, these don’t even have gum inside.

-M&M’s: Better go with a peanut or new pretzel option here IMHO.

-Pencil: Really? This is going straight in your lawn.

-Almond Joy: Don’t ask me, I didn’t taste one until I was 25 due to my mom always taking these as her payment for driving my ass around.

-Apple: Sigh. I feel sorry for your children. Also, unless I’m bobbing for $20 bills…don’t make me stick my face into a bucket of water to get my treat. 

-Sorta “peanut flavored” chewy candy in solid brown or orange wrappers: Terrorist candy if you ask me. If anyone can find a brand name for these, I’ll give you all my candy. 

Happy Halloween y’all!

xo Chinae

If you’ve got a hankering for the kind of cookie that is inherently awesome (because of the bourbon) and also low-carb, then here’s my recipe. I made a recipe. And though it does contain alcohol, it isn’t a cocktail. Oof. These growing pains I’m getting from going from awesome to awesome-r are really starting to bug me.
 

-LD

Raising JUST One:

When I was 6-7 I told my mother that if she had another baby, that I would run away. This was the beginning of my only-child saga…

Only children get a bad wrap, I know…because I’ve been dealing with being one for 27 years now. It’s an interesting thing these days, more couples are stopping at one or at least considering having a single little mouthbreather…so here are some tips, tricks, and insight about only children, straight from the mouth of the beast. 

-Holidays Are Weird: Christmas and Thanksgiving in most households are days filled with noisy ruckus, family football games, endless bad holiday movies, and half-pajama clothed kids running amok. Cue holidays at my house…quiet Christmas music, mimosas, lots of open napping spots, and an 8 person table set for only three. I used to be jealous of people’s large scale celebrations and then one day I realized…wait, small holidays are f*cking awesome. No fighting (except that one time I cried because I got too many pairs of shoes, yes I am aware I am the WORST), no messy cleanup after Noni throws up after finding out she’s allergic to jellied cranberry sauce, no sharing attention/toys/food, and having access to all the medium-priced champagne my body could ever want. Think about effortless, relaxing holidays from here on out…ah yes, one child can be a good thing. 

-Sharing Sucks: Alright, so here’s where things get a little dicey. I suck at sharing. Don’t touch my plate, don’t wear my clothes, and no, I don’t want to split the meal. This is one point that I’ll concede…I am an asshole about sharing. BUT…and here’s a big BUT, I am awesome about giving things away or just buying you, your own thing. I’m not gonna be generous with my own shit, but I will find a way for you to get yours! In my opinion, that’s way better than divvying things up. 

-Making Friends Is Easy: I moved every 3-4 years of my life and you’d think I would still be recovering from that mental trauma as we speak. Here’s the thing…moving a lot and being a solo kid taught me to be a Terminator of meeting buddies. Unless I wanted to just be friends with my parents and their dumb amigos, I had to figure out ways to meet other chitlins’ and convince them that I was normal and would be an amazing addition to their game of Disney Merry Go Round *. (Note: this is a game where you make a younger weaker child push the merry go round as fast as they can while singing disney songs, meanwhile their knees were turning to ground beef from the gravel) Needing to meet people for your own sanity makes you learn social cues, be fearless when talking to strangers (except the ones in vans with free candy), and eventually helps that flirt game y’all. 

-Miniature Adult: One thing to be wary of…only children typically mature WAY faster because we are constantly hanging out with grown-ass people. I remember laying in bed as a 10 year old, staring at my ceiling fan planning out evac routes for when that serial killer eventually came to my house. Every detail was planned including: how I would negotiate my parents out of the hostage scenario, getting Candy the German Shepard to a safety zone, and which of my Barbies were going to make it in the “go-bag”…sorry Asian Barbie, you did not make the cut.  Make sure to keep your only-child around plenty of other kids…that way they stay dumb and compliant. Otherwise, they WILL figure out how to outsmart you. (NOTE: DO NOT GOOGLE ADULT BABY TO FIND PHOTOS FOR YOUR BLOG POST…THAT IS ANOTHER THING)

Look, I know having siblings was probably mind-blowing and you guys are all well-adjusted and shit…but someone’s gotta make a case for having just one.

For more insights on being an single kid…check out this post on the Thought Catalog that inspired today’s Be Better.