How to Deal with Bitches Edition:
Girls are like wild animals. We’re sometimes placid (after we are fed, loved on, and well taken care of) and easygoing and then all of a sudden, we go all Bitchmode Irene on you. I.E. cause a lot of trouble when there’s nothing to cause trouble about. (see what I did there? OK give me a break…It’s Wednesday and I’m making weather jokes apparently)
Here’s a handy dandy How-To Guide on how to deal with 3 types of bitchdom:
The Pseudo Girlfriend Bitch Moment:This one is tricky, but I’ll say…you did it to yourself. Let’s break this down.
What guys think: She’s awesome (for someone else to date), she gives me all the attention in the world without having to commit, we made out that one weird time at that Tiki Bar, she is the best +1 because if I meet someone, she can’t be mad…etc.
What she thinks: He’s totally going to fall in love with me one day. And now I wait.
Soooo here’s the problem with that guys, it all sounds so easy until she goes nuts one day. And it WILL happen. Every gal you date, every time you call her “dude”, and every double G+T she orders you at the bar, hoping for the moment where you change your mind…will eventually rear it’s ugly, beachy waved-red lipped-sad girl head and you’ll be left with an Exorcism moment happening.
How to Deal: If you have any inkling that you may have a Crazy Christy on your hands…you need to back away. Make sure she knows that it’ll never be like THAT and YOU need to stop being so damn selfish and feeding into her needy ass. She may be going into bitchmode and may start acting like your girlfriend, but can you blame her? GET A FUCKING CLUE, YOU’RE THE ONE ACTING LIKE SHE’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
ProTip: Set her up with one of your friends.
The Actual Girlfriend Bitch Moment: As much as you love her, she’s going to moments where she goes OFF THE RESERVATION.
How to Deal: When we want to complain about something (not you)…we just need you to listen and support us. We don’t necessarily want your advice (although I’m sure it was decent). Sometimes we need to fly off the motherfracking handle and then we are A-OK. So unless the problem involves you, just be a good listener and I assure you, you’ll gain brownie points for keeping your lips zipped.
Protip: Bring her a cocktail. It’ll help, trust me. Unless she’s mad at you, and then you might have a whiskey-in-the-eye situation.
The Boss Bitch Moment: They are a real nightmare but they also pay your over-priced rent on the smallish brownstone you reside in.
How to Deal: As long as it’s work related..you’ve gotta suck it up or get a new job. BUT if it’s personal on some level, you have every right to fight for your right to
party work in peace. Set up a meeting to discuss how you feel you are being treated by them, and be prepared with some examples of specific times its happened. Also, don’t go reverse bitchmode on them, bc that isn’t going to ever work. Ask how you can alleviate stress or tension in the office and be sure to see where you are messing up too. They’ll for sure respect that you stood up for yourself and are willing to take on a little blame too.
ProTip: Make a powerpoint about it. (just kidding. no, seriously. don’t make a powerpoint)
Straight from the bitch’s mouth,