Asking Someone Out Edition:
Why is this so complex you ask? Well, I have no f*cking clue. People always seems to struggle with the concept of getting the nerve up to ask a lady (or man, for you “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar” types) out, but I think we are getting our manties/panties in a twist for no reason. So unravel that situation, and let’s navigate this like Ponce De Leon and his discovery of Hispanola.
Here are some tips and tricks to Being Better…At Asking Someone Out.
-Perspective: It’s JUST a date. You aren’t proposing peace treaties with Kim Jong Il on a North Korean military base at gunpoint, you are asking someone to go drink house vodka with you at some bar, whose name you will both forget if you have enough house vodka. Worst case scenario, she’s on her period and turns you down, BUT in that case you probably weren’t going to have a good time anyway, and now you have $12-15 bucks to spend at your next Dave and Busters outing. Prizes!
-Timing: Be specific, and give a few options. You know what annoys me? Having to plan my own date. Here’s how the conversation sometimes goes (and shouldn’t):
Guy A: ” Um…hey..we should hang out sometime!”
Me: “Yeah, sounds great! I’d love to….just let me know.”
(a couple days pass)
Guy A: “So, yeah. Let’s hang out. When do you want to do that?”
This sucks. You know what would be better? THIS:
Guy B: “Hey, I’d love to take you out for a drink sometime, just you and I”
Me: “Yeah, I’d really like to do that.”
Guy B: “Well, how’s Friday night at 7? If that doesn’t work, we will get something else on the schedule but I’d like te see you before the week end.”
There are so many good things about this. Specific times make us feel like we are making plans, not that we are just throwing out some bullshit grey-area talk. It also means you are trying to lock us down into actual firm plans that we can then put in our schedule and totally freak out about it later (in a good way). Also, you are giving us a time and date suggestion but also letting us know that if that doesn’t work for us, that you are ready and willing to make up a backup time with the end point being the weekend. We want to know that you want to see us again like Lohan wants to see her dealer ok?
-The Plan: Now that you’ve suggested a time, make sure you add in some more specifics about what you want to do. If it’s the first date, whoever asks, should plan. Instead of saying let’s hang out (which is hyper ambiguous and totally annoying amirite?), be direct in where or what you want to do on said date. We don’t know if we are going deep sea fishing or going to the local dive bar…enlighten us.
Here’s the perfect scenario:
“There’s this great cocktail bar that I’ve been wanting to try called HouseVodkaHouse, are you available on Friday to have a drink with me? Say…7pm? If Friday doesn’t work, let’s pick another day this week that works for you.”
-Be Clear: I don’t hear anything more frequently than girls who get asked out to “hang” with a guy, and end sitting around, eating cheetos with their gal pals in their underwear, trying to figure out if they are going on a date, friend hangout, or if it’s a legit business meeting (OK maybe not the last one, if he send you an iCal event, it’s probably a meeting), or if they are recruiting for their new BFF. Just say it’s a date! OR if that’s too much pressure, just make it clear that it’s just the two of you. Speaking from personal history, I seriously have shown up, thinking I was going on a date, and ended up doing sake bombs with said guy and his room mates. SO…you get the point. It’ll save us a lot of crazy-girl thoughts.
So that’s pretty simple yeah? Put itinto perspective, be specific about date/time/activity, and be a clear communicator. If we can follow these simple tips, it’ll make all of our dating lives better and we might even make it on to date #2!
Helping your game, daily.