Brussel Sprout Edition:
I’m going to take you back to a time in my life, circa 1990-2000, that I was a huge bratty brat (this could probably extend until about 30 seconds ago). Let me paint you a picture… I used to have my mom help me hide my “good toys” in the top of my play room closet before those annoyances, also known as friends, would come over so they wouldn’t disrupt anything, I had two separate boxes of Crayons that I organized into “complete crap” (naturally for guests, family, and namely my grandmother) and “brand new” (obvi for me and me only), and once threw up in a bowl of turkey soup at the dinner table as an act of defiance to my mother when she made me (for the first time) “eat two more bites”. Yeah, I was pretty awful and stubborn, a deadly combo. Add in a good dose of only-child syndrome and you’ve got a real doozy, thank God for some very awkward years in there to snap me right back into reality (cue red eyeliner from Gadzooks, an affinity for death metal, and Jnco jeans. It happened people).
Da’ Brat (role model plz)
One thing Miss Bratty Brat couldn’t get behind was my mother’s fascination with Brussel Sprouts. I likened them to tiny, exploding-with-flavor, hot garbage balls. They were really the worst and I think as a form of torture, they continued to show up to the left of my pork chop about once a week as a child. Pretty sure it was 90% passive aggressive retaliation from my mom for being a massive pain in the ass but whatever.
OK…you’re like…WTF does this have to do with cooking… I’m getting there.
So about ten months ago, I started a new low carb lifestyle (no calling them diets people)… and right there on my list of acceptable foods was the dreaded Brussel Sprout. My arch enemy, obviously named with the initials B.S. for a reason. I don’t know if it was low-carb hallucinations, but while at the store one day, I picked up a bag and put them in my cart with a mission to make this source of past trauma into something I could eat without gagging.
A new chapter of life started that day peeps. Brussel Sprouts have now changed my life (obviously still overdramatic).
Here’s how I made the nastiest veggie that exists into the belle of the dinner party ball.
Brussel Sprouts (should be called Bacon Sprouts in this case)
Things you’ll Need:
-Brussel sprouts (duh)
-Butter- ½ stick
-Bacon- 6 pieces
-Salt and Pepper to taste
1. Cut those lil brussel babies in half…this speeds the cooking time (along with being bratty, I’m also impatient) and also allows the delicious bacon and butter flavor to absorb into that little nugget.
2. In a pan, cook your bacon up, eat one piece bc you know you can’t wait. After it’s cooked and crispy, take it out of the pan, pour out 80% of the bacon grease, leaving a little bit of grease and that delicious bacon residue on the pan.
3. Add onions and butter to the pan and cook until your onions appear translucent but not brown.
4. Add your B.Sprouts into the mix along with the bacon (crumbled)
5. Sauté for about 7-8 minutes or until they look cooked through
Making this for group functions is pretty much how I make friends these days…so enjoy your newfound facebook popularity after bringing this recipe to your next dinner party/biker rally/speed dating event!