Subway Eater Edition:
This morning’s blog post wasn’t supposed to be surrounding subway eaters but let’s just say I was inspired (also see nauseated*) on my way into the office this morning.
OK…I get that you are hungry, you’re a busy New Yorker and you’ve got places to be. I GET IT. But we need to get a freaking handle on what’s acceptable in the way of MTA (for non-new yorkers…this is the transportation agency that continually ruins our lives) digestibles.
As I sat squished between a power suit eating a yogurt cup with a metal spoon and strangely large (for an asian) man with his face wedged between two halves of a croissant filled with chicken salad (apparently he was on a low carb lifestyle too due to him ignoring the delicious flaky buttery carbohydrate laden pastry and choosing to spoon the chicken salad out of the middle with his tongue), I contemplated the do’s and don’ts of how to stay socially acceptable while getting your nosh on mobile-y.
Rules for Subway Eating:
1. Anything that emits an odor…is immediately off the acceptable foods list. Yes that means you Schwarma eater in the corner, you are transforming this subway car into a hot stinky death trap and if I wanted to inhale anything that remotely reminds me of curry, I would’ve taken a cab.
2. Drunk foods…let’s classify these as consumables that if you were sober, you would be hiding in your bedroom to eat them for the social repercussions of consuming them in public. This includes White Castle’s Crave Case (saw this first hand), pretty much anything from McDonald’s, or an entire Ray’s Pizza. I’m just trying to save you here, you already look like you are about to throw up…don’t make it worse by convincing yourself that since the 4am Bedford L Train is still 6 minutes away, that you should go ahead and purchase an entire pizza, eat it on your way home, and throw the box away like nothing happened before you get to the apt….it happened.
3. Utensils…you probably shouldn’t be eating anything that needs a utensil on the train anyway, but if you are…one word of advice. Just buy some disposable silverware for the house. Seriously. It’s like 2 bucks. You know you are the girl who eats her Dannon Activia on the way to work and then shoves that nasty dairy-stained spoon in your purse that stays at the bottom of your Balenciaga until you show up at the airport for a business trip and they have to cavity search you because have a collection of metal tools at the bottom of your bag. Just try explaining that butter knife away with the “this was to spread my cream cheese on my bagel last Tuesday morning” excuse. Won’t work.
4. Two-handed approach…just stick with things that you can hold in one hand…if there is a dipping sauce, side dish, or if it’s large enough that you need two hands, you should probably get off the train and have yourself a little platform picnic…hey, could be a great opportunity for a date. Think about it. Subway love just like they talk about on Craigslist. Swoon.
For someone far more dedicated to the cause of unveiling Train Eaters…see this blog…Trainpigs.com
Granola Bars and Coffee 4life,