Be Better Blog

An Open Letter to Animal Hat Lovers Everywhere Edition

I have kept my mouth shut partially shut for long enough. I must scream from the rooftops from this point on, or just rant via my very averagely traffic-ed blog…ANIMAL HATS ARE THE WORST. 

This is a hard sentence to write, but I actually think I might be less offended if someone wore Ed Hardy branded Crocs to my wedding than donning one of these atrocities. I am not sure what’s gotten into me, but every time I see one, I want to deport myself to a far off land, free of mammal-themed headgear.

I hit my breaking point yesterday.

The Arctic Tundra-esque weather had me in a particularly piss-poor mood and that’s when I snapped. I was walking in a pack of people, moving about the speed of molasses in the dead of winter and I got so frustrated with this text-walker (wearing a bear hat) in front of me that I yelled at the top of my lungs “MOVE IT…PANDA HEAD!”

I am so ashamed. Mostly because I couldn’t think of anything wittier than “Move it, Panda Head”, but I digress. 

Here are some things to think about when you are contemplating wearing an Animal-Themed Hat:

-Do you want to look like you have two sets of ears? Albeit, one pair that is non-functioning?

-Do you want to appear to be “not from here”? Like…this planet.

-Why is it cute to have an animal’s head on top of your own head? OR, worse than that…why do you want to look like an animal is taking a huge dump on your skull? 

-Are you Japanese and/or under the age of 4? No? Then you probably shouldn’t be wearing a plushie helmet.

The only hat that has a face, that I can respect is one of these. If you killed it, you are allowed to put it whereever you want. 

Some good alternatives would be…a fur hat, a knit hat, or pretty much anything else other than what you’ve got on. 

It’s fashion, it’s not personal. The address for all hate mail is…bebetterblogger@gmail.com.

Thanks!

Chinae