(Warning, this post is fueled with frustration and general MTA related angst)
Mobile Body Positioning Edition:
We all have to get to work somehow. I really am thankful that I don’t have to actually think/drive to work…we are lucky to jump on a moving box and just have to exist for 20 minutes and then get pooped out at our location. It’s great…unless you plan on sitting down.
This morning, my outer thighs were confronted with a harsh reality of NY city life…so much leg osmosis with my stranger/neighbor on the train. ugh. Now, usually…this would not bother me too much, but I raged after realizing, post commute that I had picked up the scent of Axe Body spray off my travelling cohort. I mean, if I wanted to smell like desperation and junior high, I’d go buy a bottle of CK1.
So that got me thinking…how can we be better at riding the subway and stop annoying the sh*t out of everyone? I’ve attacked the subject before, but I think I missed a couple things.
DO NOT BE THESE PEOPLE:
-Gatekeeper: You know the guy…posted up right next to the door. Usually majorly creeping the sh*t out of me. His L.A. Gear Sneaks are planted to the floor like he’s working the gate at Buckingham Palace. HEY DUDE, you aren’t guarding the queen, you are just blocking the mariachi band from getting through the door in their giant glittery sombreros, and I’m pissed about it. I’d like to hear Feliz Navidad right about now and you are preventing that from occurring. Here’s a tip, grasp the idea that the doors open and close, people are going to come in and out, and you are going to have to get the f*ck out of the way for that to happen. And stop giving me that weird eyeball and pull your pants up, they are under your ass-cheeks and there is no possible way that is comfortable.
-Thunder Thighs: Alright, the inspiration for this post came right out of this little corner pocket…there is a distinct amount of room for each person in a designated seat. Right?! Whatever you have to do to fit in that area, you do. I’ve seen people contort their bodies into miniature trapezoids to fit in that little orange designated region…but here’s where I get sexist to the max…ready? Menfolk of New York City, you think just because you aren’t comfortable with your thighs touching (we women are fairly used to this) you are allowed to be all slutty business man with your legs spread apart. I get that, anatomically speaking, it’s not as comfortable for you to be thigh-to-thigh, BUT we don’t need you to be doing AC Slater-stance minus the backwards chair. Also, you aren’t just sitting normally with legs slightly spread….you actually look uncomfortable, your sh*t’s so far apart. Are you having a contest with yourself or something? I don’t get it……
OK. I think I’m done for today. I’m sure there will be a part three to this lovely series as my blood pressure continues to rise due to subway related incidents. I can keep telling myself, at least this wasn’t my morning commute.
*images via subway douchery