Be Better Blog

I love Halloween. If I could dress in theme everyday (sh*t. I sort of already do) I would. 

The idea of being able to for one day, be whatever you want to be and no one being able to REALLY place hard judgement on you…is the best thing EVER.

Every year around this time the over planner comes out in me and I start thinking and plotting for costume ideas. Also, over pretty much every conversation with pals, someone asks me what I think they should be for Halloween. So…let’s lay down some ground rules and tips for being better at Halloween so I can stop answering that f*cking question.

5 Halloween DON’Ts:

-You can’t just add the word “sexy” onto your costume and call it a day: You know what I mean here. There is something really f*cked up about a sexy cat or a sexy pumpkin…don’t you see that?

YOU’VE JUST TRIED TO MAKE A GOURD A SEXUAL BEING. (hello?!)

 If you are wanting to be sexy for halloween, I get that. It’s really the only time you can be absolutely scandalous and blame it on something other than you actual being a ho-bag. BUT at least do it in a smart way. Some 1ft piece of polyester that came out of a plastic bag from Ricky’s Costume Warehouse isn’t going to be cute or original. If you are going to be sexy, make sure that you’re something that’s actually sexy in real life…like a celebrity or something…not an oversexualized insect or condiment. Although, I would pay good money to see a sexy mustard bottle this year.

-Dead Celebrities aren’t as funny as you’d imagine: As much as I love Steve Jobs, Amy Winehouse, Gaddafi, or Randy “Macho Man” Savage…dressing up as a recently dead celebrity isn’t really very interesting since you’ll be among about 2,000 other people dressed up as the same dead person as you. Plus, we know you are just lazy by buying a black turtleneck and carrying around your iPhone. 

-Zombie or Vampire…something: This is often used as a tool to jazz up an otherwise boring costume…Yes, I get that you don’t want to be JUST a ladybug so zombie ladybug sounds better…but resist the urge to just tack on the word zombie or vampire for sh*ts and giggles. 

-Couple’s Costumes: If you’re going to do a couple’s costume (which are very tricky to do right), PLEASE don’t totally emasculate your boyfriend by making him be some inane sidekick to the costume you are wearing. I literally saw a man dressed as a cotton-ball covered sheep so he “went” with his GF’s Little Bo Slut costume. Ridic. 

-Effortless Costuming: If you aren’t going to put any effort in, just don’t dress up. A nametag or a pair of glasses is not a costume. You are just insulting the rest of us dressed in full garb that may or may not have spent 4-5 hours applying temporary tattoos to our entire body.

Halloween DO’s:

-Be Funny If You Can: I know it’s hard to stand out and be funny in the world of hipster mermaids and boom mic operators..but give it a go if you can. I absolutely loved being a chola last year and being a little funny/scary/unsexy was the best time I’ve ever had dressing up (see Chola photo above). Really tops the really unfunny/desperate/annoying “sexy” girl scout I was in college (vomit).

-Get Interactive: My friend Jon suggested this point and I can’t agree more. If you can incorporate an activity, hand motion, stance, or musical number in your costume…you get SO many ghost points. Who cares if your arms are going numb from having to have your hands straight up in air all night being a “roller-coaster rider screen shot photo”? You committed and we respect that more than anything. 

-Keep it Simple in Construction and Explanation: You know you’re probably going to have like 5-10 Whiskey sodas over the course of the Halloween night…so seriously think about your props and construction of the costume. You don’t want to be leaving hunks of your Space-Cowgirl-Lara-Croft-Tomb-Raider outfit all over the damn bar. Attach that sh*t well ok? Also, know that by 10pm you are going to be all slurry and the like…so maybe pick a theme that takes less than one sentence to explain what the hell you are. 

All that to say…I think I’m going to be Pocahontas this year…so yeah. Yawn. 

What’s everyone else thinking?

xox Chinae